Battle of Wills

 I woke up at 5:00 yesterday morning with this realization….it’s not just disappointment that is my struggle, I’m in a battle of wills; my will vs God’s will. I want what I want, whether that is God’s will for me or not. Have I learned nothing in my 60 years of being His child? Here I am whining and complaining that I am “alone” in this life journey when I have friends (and the entire world) who are facing things far more serious than that. What right do I have to be discontented with my life?

 It seems it was easier to give up a leg than it is to give Him my singleness. Although, the leg has been a bit of a source of discontentment this trip, too. I can’t do some of the short hikes that would give me better views of some things I can’t see from the car.

 Part of the purpose of this solo trip was to spend some time praising God, praying and listening to what He has to say about some of the circumstances of my life; like what should retirement look like.  With this realization of the battle of wills, it has also become a time to think about what it will take to bring my will into alignment with His will?  But, what does contentment have to do with the battle of my will and God’s will?  If I were content with the circumstances of my life, I wouldn’t be trying to force my will over God’s will.  I would be content with where God has me and what He is doing in my life; even if I don’t understand it or think that it is right for me.  A friend sent me this quote from the devotional, Streams in the Desert; “Perhaps your desire to receive what you want is stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled.”  Ouch.  

 One of my five life principles is to live in contentment. What does that even mean? What did Paul mean in Philippians 4, when he said he learned to live in contentment in whatever situation or circumstances he found himself? I asked AI. Here was the response from AI.

 Paul’s concept of contentment, primarily detailed in Philippians 4:11-13, is a learned, internal state of peace independent of external circumstances (whether in need or plenty). It is rooted in a deep, dependent relationship with Christ, rather than self-sufficiency, enabling him to endure hardship, hunger, and imprisonment. 

 Key aspects of Paul's contentment include:

• A "Learned" Skill: Contentment is not automatic but a practiced, intentional, and spiritual discipline developed over time.
• Christ-Centered Strength: The "secret" is finding strength through Christ ("I can do all this through Him who gives me strength"), not just positive thinking.
• Independence from Circumstances: Paul was able to be content regardless of his situation—whether hungry or well-fed, in need or in abundance.
• Eternal Perspective: Contentment comes from focusing on the eternal rather than temporary, earthly, or material.
• Contrast with Stoicism: While Stoics advocated for self-sufficiency, Paul taught a contentment that relies entirely on God's grace and presence.

 It is surprising to me that AI can give such insightful answers to spiritual questions. It is certainly something to contemplate as I continue on this journey through the National Parks. I pray that by the time I get home (and long before that) I have yielded my strong, insistent, obstinate will to His. I have learned over the years that life is far better when my will aligns with His. Why is that so hard?   I also pray that I have learned a bit about living in contentment as I travel these roads between parks and take in God’s beautiful creation.  I think that one of the things that AI missed in describing contentment is to focus on God’s faithfulness and His blessings.  How can I be discontent when I recall what God has done in my life and all His blessing?  If I am living in contentment, how can I be fighting against God’s will for me?  While it may not always be true, in my current circumstances, the two go hand in hand.