Strength in Solitude

In keeping with my quest to spend time in God’s creation by visiting the national parks, I am using a devotional, The Mountains are Calling – 90 Devotions for Peace and Solitude, published by Dayspring.  And I’m journaling my thoughts.   I’ve never been much of a journaler.  As this is a new and uncertain season for me (retirement), I thought journaling might make some of the thoughts stay instead of being in and out of my head quickly.   Not sure that’s working.  I probably need to reread my thoughts a time or two.  I’ve told a friend that I need to hear a story at least twice before I remember it and it is the same with sermons, movies, things I read, etc.  It frustrates me sometimes that things don’t stick in my head.  People talk about things they heard in a sermon and what they learned from it; I never remember the sermon after I walk out the door (sorry Pastor).   I digress.

On occasion, I will set aside time to be in solitude and I prefer to do that in nature somewhere.  You would think that time in the car with my travels would be a good time to spend in solitude with God but, I seem to avoid that with music, listening to audiobooks, etc.  Some of the time, I will drive in silence and pray, listen or praise but, most of the time I try to occupy my mind.  I start listening to an audiobook and can’t “put it down” and its due back to the library and I need to finish it by the end of the trip and…..

Today’s devotion was Strength in Solitude and there were some things that stood out to me:

• ·       “The mountain maker is our source of strength.  Wow!  There’s nothing too hard for Him and no one more important to Him than you.”  I know that God is my source of strength and power but do I believe it?  Do I tap into it when I need it?  Am I really that important to Him?  Of course, I know that I am but, do I really believe it?  Or act like I believe it?
• ·       “Where we go to find quiet time is different for each of us, but it’s hard to appreciate quiet time if we’re not alone.”  For me, if I want real solitude, I want to be outside with the sun on my face, a breeze and moving water.  That’s a little hard in the winter and often hard to find any time of the year.  It takes intentionality.  I can compromise on the environment and still find solitude.  But, again, it takes intentionality.  I’m in a Bible study with some young moms.  I am amazed by the spiritual maturity they show and their connection to God and how they model that to their children.  How do they find the time?  I couldn’t even consider doing a Bible study when I was working because I couldn’t devote the time needed to work through the study.  How could these young moms ever find the time for solitude? 
• ·       “Solitude is imperative to staying grounded in our wonderfully unique and powerful purpose.”  Okay, so…..I know I am unique, even odd or eccentric to some.  But “wonderfully” unique?  And “powerful purpose”?  Most of the time I don’t know my purpose, especially in this season of retirement.  What does God want me to do with this season?   I guess I need more solitude.  😊
• ·       “Our lives are meaningful every day.  God loves us and He loves the life He has given us.  His greatest joy is seeing us live the abundant life found in Him.  In Him we have mountain-making strength and mountain- moving hope.”   When I first read that, I thought, “He loves the life He has given us”?  Some of the time I don’t love the life He has given me.  I want something other than what He has given me.  That thought is based on the day-to-day circumstances and experiences of my life.  When I went on to read the rest, I realized that the author is talking about the abundant life God has given us in Him; a life that is so much more than my day-to-day circumstances or experiences, a life that is based on His love for me and eternity with Him, a life that is filled with His faithfulness/joy/power/strength/hope, a life with purpose, etc.  That gives our lives meaning every day! 
• ·       “Good is going to come from everything we surrender to Him.  Hope is going to stand against anything that tries to diminish it.”  I often fail to see the good that comes from things that I surrender to Him.  That’s because I’m not looking for it.  I’m so focused on whatever I have surrendered and the pain it causes that I can’t see the good.  I need to take my eyes off of me and put them on Him and see the good.  It is hope that keeps us going when life seems hard.  Hope in this sense is a certainty, not wishful thinking.  It is the expectation of the fulfillment of our life in Christ – eternity with Him.  It is future focused and not focused on today.  Our use of the word hope is often about what we want/wish to happen in relation to our circumstances.  We should be trusting God, not hoping. 

More solitude.  More listening.  More praying.  I have no excuse for not setting aside time for those things now that my life is not constrained by work and time.  With the warmer weather and more daylight at the end of the day (interesting that I don’t mind this time change nearly as much since I don’t have to get up for work in the dark), being outside is easier and I will be more intentional about solitude.  If you’re brave, ask me if I am.  😊

Psalm 46:10  Be still, and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

 Isaiah 30:15  For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.

 I Kings 19:9-12  There he (Elijah) came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”   He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”  And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper

 Jesus spent 40 days in the desert, Mark 1:12-13 and He withdrew to solitary places to pray, Mark 1:35 and Luke 5:16.

 

Battle of Wills

 I woke up at 5:00 yesterday morning with this realization….it’s not just disappointment that is my struggle, I’m in a battle of wills; my will vs God’s will. I want what I want, whether that is God’s will for me or not. Have I learned nothing in my 60 years of being His child? Here I am whining and complaining that I am “alone” in this life journey when I have friends (and the entire world) who are facing things far more serious than that. What right do I have to be discontented with my life?

 It seems it was easier to give up a leg than it is to give Him my singleness. Although, the leg has been a bit of a source of discontentment this trip, too. I can’t do some of the short hikes that would give me better views of some things I can’t see from the car.

 Part of the purpose of this solo trip was to spend some time praising God, praying and listening to what He has to say about some of the circumstances of my life; like what should retirement look like.  With this realization of the battle of wills, it has also become a time to think about what it will take to bring my will into alignment with His will?  But, what does contentment have to do with the battle of my will and God’s will?  If I were content with the circumstances of my life, I wouldn’t be trying to force my will over God’s will.  I would be content with where God has me and what He is doing in my life; even if I don’t understand it or think that it is right for me.  A friend sent me this quote from the devotional, Streams in the Desert; “Perhaps your desire to receive what you want is stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled.”  Ouch.  

 One of my five life principles is to live in contentment. What does that even mean? What did Paul mean in Philippians 4, when he said he learned to live in contentment in whatever situation or circumstances he found himself? I asked AI. Here was the response from AI.

 Paul’s concept of contentment, primarily detailed in Philippians 4:11-13, is a learned, internal state of peace independent of external circumstances (whether in need or plenty). It is rooted in a deep, dependent relationship with Christ, rather than self-sufficiency, enabling him to endure hardship, hunger, and imprisonment. 

 Key aspects of Paul's contentment include:

• A "Learned" Skill: Contentment is not automatic but a practiced, intentional, and spiritual discipline developed over time.
• Christ-Centered Strength: The "secret" is finding strength through Christ ("I can do all this through Him who gives me strength"), not just positive thinking.
• Independence from Circumstances: Paul was able to be content regardless of his situation—whether hungry or well-fed, in need or in abundance.
• Eternal Perspective: Contentment comes from focusing on the eternal rather than temporary, earthly, or material.
• Contrast with Stoicism: While Stoics advocated for self-sufficiency, Paul taught a contentment that relies entirely on God's grace and presence.

 It is surprising to me that AI can give such insightful answers to spiritual questions. It is certainly something to contemplate as I continue on this journey through the National Parks. I pray that by the time I get home (and long before that) I have yielded my strong, insistent, obstinate will to His. I have learned over the years that life is far better when my will aligns with His. Why is that so hard?   I also pray that I have learned a bit about living in contentment as I travel these roads between parks and take in God’s beautiful creation.  I think that one of the things that AI missed in describing contentment is to focus on God’s faithfulness and His blessings.  How can I be discontent when I recall what God has done in my life and all His blessing?  If I am living in contentment, how can I be fighting against God’s will for me?  While it may not always be true, in my current circumstances, the two go hand in hand.

Disappointment

I’m sure you all have experienced this: you have gone months or years without a certain thing, person, experience, etc.  Suddenly, it is back in your life, and you are filled with happiness and joy.  Just as suddenly, it is gone again.  What are those feelings when it is gone?  Anger?  Disappointment?  Confusion?  Sadness?  Grief?  Probably all of the above and more.  Why did God allow that back into my life, just to take it away again?  What do you do with those feelings?  How do you get back to living life without it again?

This has happened to me over and over again with one particular experience over the years (I think I’ve written about this before as it is a recurring experience): a man in my life.  There have been years between dates and I’m going through life just fine.  Then, foolish me, signs up for a dating app.  😊  Sometimes it doesn’t even get to the actual dating phase but there is someone else to think about, talk to, do things with, dream about……  And, I’m enjoying it.  Then one of us realizes that this was not meant to be and it’s gone.  Why, God, do you allow me to hope again and then take it away?  Why, God, do you not just remove that hope altogether from my heart?  

Boy, do I wish I had answers to those questions.  Disappointments are part of life, and they range from small disappointments, like getting sick and not being able to go to a party, to huge disappointments (and grief), like a loved one who has died too soon, a divorce, a child who has left their faith. 

As is usual for me, I want to define things.  What exactly is disappointment?  Disappointment is defined as the emotional distress – comprising sadness, frustration or anger – that occurs when reality fails to meet expectations.  Often stemming from unmet hopes, broken trust, or failed endeavors, it acts as a, sometimes painful, indicator of one’s deeply held values.  Coping involves acknowledging feelings, adjusting expectations and viewing setbacks as learning opportunities.   Yep, that about covers it but, that is a secular definition.  There is more to it than that for a Christian.  What does God want me to do with this?  What am I to learn from this? 

When I’m in a place where I have more questions than I have answers, I go back to what I know to be true about God and His character that applies to my situation.

• God is sovereign and sees the big picture.  He does what is best for me and what will bring honor to Him and further His kingdom.
• The Holy Spirit is with us in our weakness and intercedes for us.  God will work all thing outs out for good.   Romans 8:26-28  ²⁶ Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ²⁷ And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ²⁸ And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
• God is near to the brokenhearted.  Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 147:3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
•  El Roi – The God who sees me.  There are no circumstances in our lives that escape His fatherly awareness and care.  God knows us and our troubles.
• Genesis 16:11-14 Hagar calls God by this name.  Verse 13 - So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.
• Psalm 139:7-12 Wherever we are, God is there.

 So, what do we do with this?

• Pray:
• Ask God all the why questions. 
• Pour out your heart to Him. 
• Seek His direction. 
• Allow the Holy Spirit to intercede for you in groanings too deep for words.
• Cry if you need to.
• Listen:  be still and listen:
• What does God want you to learn?
• What does God want you to do?
• What does God say about the “why” questions?
• Wait and Watch for what God is doing:
• Has He changed your heart?
•  Has He worked in the circumstances?
•  Has He given you answers?
• Waiting is hard.  Esther waited to make her request of the king and while she waited, God did amazing things.  Read it in Esther 5-7. 

Disappointments are a part of life and they are more common than we would like.  Sometimes they are minor and barely given a second thought.  Sometimes, they hit deeper.  I know that “this too shall pass” and in the scheme of things (the craziness that is going on in our world, for one) and life (it is a small part of overall life), it is probably insignificant.  But, today, it may be significant and an opportunity to draw near to God.