Aloneness or Loneliness

 Aloneness or loneliness.  Is there a difference?  There is, according to AI.

 Aloneness:  the physical state of being by oneself, often defined as a neutral or positive, chosen state of solitude, allowing for self-reflection and peace.  It is distinct from loneliness – painful feeling of emptiness – as aloneness is associated with self-connection and personal growth. 

 Loneliness:  a subjective, distressing feeling of isolation occurring when social connections do not meet your needs, affecting both mental and physical health.  Symptoms include feelings of worthlessness, increased anxiety, low energy, and poor sleep.  Causes range from bereavement, retirement, and moving to social anxiety.  It is a gap between your desired and actual social connections.  It is a subjective “social pain” that can be felt even when surrounded by others. 

 This is interesting because I thought that what I was experiencing a few days ago was aloneness, although it was not a choice I made to be alone.  It was accompanied by feelings of loneliness.   According to the definitions, aloneness is a physical state and loneliness is an emotional state.   I think that I may disagree with this definition of aloneness as what I was experiencing was a result of circumstances that were not by choice and not really neutral and definitely not positive.  So, I asked AI, “what is the state of being alone though not by choice”.  The answer, “loneliness or involuntary isolation”.   So, the physical state was described as loneliness which is an emotion.  I’m so confused.  

 Last week I was sick and on the couch for 3 ½ days.  I did not go anywhere for a week.  Add to that, the friend, that has introduced me to Jeep four-wheeling and been a companion for other activities, has been dating.  Spending time together had come to an end.  I was trying to get back to being used to being alone again and I was railing at God for allowing him to be dating and not me.  WHY?  So, yes, I was feeling loneliness but, I knew that would pass.  What I was grappling with was being ok with being alone again and why God has me back in that state.   Whenever I think my life is difficult or not what I want it to be, I think about my friends and family who are going through much more difficult and trying times.  What I am going through seems trivial to what they are experiencing.  Why am I complaining to God about this?  My pity parties don’t last long and I know that they are temporary and I won’t wallow in them but, should I even be having them?   If you posed that question to me, I would say that emotions are part of who we are and who God made us to be.  You should feel the emotions and bring them to God.  Allow Him to help you work through them.   I am not naive to the reality that sometimes we need professional help to unpack mental and emotional issues.  There is no shame in getting that kind of help. 

 Yes, I do know that I am never truly alone.  God is always with me.  He reminds us of that over and over again. 

• ·     Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

• ·       Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

• ·       Matthew 28:20  Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

• ·       Psalm 23:4  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

• ·       Deuteronomy 31:6  Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

• ·       Hebrews 13:5  Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

• ·       John 14:16  And I will ask the Father and He will give you a Helper, to be with you forever.

I’ve been collecting things I’ve read or heard over the last few days about being alone or loneliness.  These may seem random and not connected and they probably are.  But, they spoke to me over the last few days.  Maybe they will speak to you in whatever season or circumstance you find yourself.  If you feel alone, make use of the alone time.  Give it a purpose and make it a choice, not a circumstance. 

•  From a friend that sent me a devotional from Dallas Theological Seminary.   From Psalm 42, “The psalmist found himself surrounded by enemies.  While in enemy territory he longed for the sanctuary, the place of public worship of God.  His thirsty soul craved fellowship with God and God’s people.  Though not alone – enemies were all around him, mocking him – he became very lonely, lonely for the house of God.  And he longed for help from God.  Reflection on God and His many past goodnesses to him greatly encouraged the psalmist.  The more he thought about God and His past blessings, the less lonely he became.  His enemies were still all around him, but he had a whole new perspective on them and on life.”   I have found over the years that when I have withdrawn from God and my focus is not on Him, the last place I want to be is worshipping with other believers.  BUT, that is where I need to be.  I need to get out of myself and back to Him.  I can’t be lonely or alone when my focus is on Him and I am fellowshipping with other believers.  If I am, my focus is still on me. 

• ·       From a friend’s pastor’s sermon.  “Sometimes you find hope when you look deeper into your pain because you find the presence of Jesus there.”

• ·       From my own personal devotions from a book called “The Mountains are Calling"

o   This is in reference to choosing to be alone in silence/solitude.  “It can feel like nothing is getting done when we spend time in silence, but there are priceless things being done in us.  God doesn’t want us to go ahead without Him.  He wants to be intricately involved in everything we do.  He wants us to get to the stuff that makes us feel joy deep down and give us a defining purpose through and through.  He’s the only way to get there.”  

    o   “Is anything too hard for God?  Never!  Would He leave us alone or without the strength we need to overcome anything we face today?  Absolutely Not!  Will we let anything steal our peace knowing God is for us?  No Way!  Perfect love is the power of truth put into practice.  Perfect love kicks out every fear.  Perfect love lifts every hope.  Perfect love erases every lie.  No matter what kind of wilderness it feels like we’re walking through, love is in it with an endless river of strength behind it.  God wants us to experience the peace He gives in the midst of the overwhelming days and the seasons of waiting.  Love doesn’t leave when it gets hard.  It faithfully leads with our best always at the center of its purpose.  “

     o   “Standing at the ocean or standing on a mountain gives us an appreciation of how small we are, while magnifying how great God is.  It’s beautifully humbling.  Nature is God’s answer to so many things.  Jesus encouraged us to watch the birds and consider the wildflowers if we ever question God’s attentiveness to our needs and his faithfulness in meeting them.  Being surrounded by God’s handiwork feels like a pause in the chaos to relax with Him for a while.  Every living thing is filled with His glory, and when we stop to notice and appreciate His creation, we get a renewed sense of how completely wonderful He is.  Not a single part of our lives is overlooked.  God is in every detail of our day and every facet of our future.  He wants us to have peace, inside and out, and staying close to Him is how we get it.”

     o   “We see more when we slow down.  Slowing our pace opens our eyes.  If we keep sprinting through our days, we’ll eventually get to a point when we stop and look back…but all we’ll see is a blur.  We’ll realize we’ve missed too much of what was important and worried about too many things that weren’t. God knows that rest helps us retain our balance.  He knows that slowing down encourages us to see opportunities we’re missing to love people, show kindness and do things that light up the world.  Slow down and make sure to see every detail of His kindness in your life at this moment.”

    o   “Being alone can bring our hearts and minds back to a peaceful state, where we can tap into the love and truth that silences the doubts.  A short walk boosts our sense of well-being and makes us happier.  Anytime we get out of the rut we get refreshed enough to gain a little peace and go a little further.  God is never going to leave us.”

• ·       From our pastor’s sermon from Ecclesiates 9:7-10:3

o   “Things can happen to you that you did not know were coming.  Time and happenings occur                to us all.”

 o   “We see him commanding you to enjoy things.  Joy in the certainty of things that are true today.  You can’t control tomorrow and you can’t control what everyone else is doing.  Find joy in daily pleasures.”

o   “If we receive the day as a gift from the Lord.  If we receive every pleasure, every good thing as a gift from the Lord today, we’re able to enjoy them in an appropriate way.  And then as we’ll see, we should ultimately fear the Lord; fear Him, honor Him in our life…..God takes pleasure when you take pleasure in His gifts.  No one gives a gift and doesn’t want you to enjoy it.  If you do that, you’re not a good gift giver.  You give a gift because you want to bless.  You want people to enjoy it and want their lives to be enriched by it.  God gives us these gifts.”

o   “You can only truly enjoy something on this earth if you do not have to have it.  If they move to a place where you have to have it, you will never enjoy it the way it was meant to be enjoyed.”

o   “He says, ‘drink wine with a merry heart.’   You can have a drink, but if you have to have that drink, it owns you, you are not enjoying it.  You can have a spouse.  You can be gifted a spouse or a good friend from the Lord.  But, if you have to have that relationship you will crush that relationship and expect of it what only God can give you.”

 Some of the things I have learned about myself from my recent experience (I think I already knew this but it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced this):

•  It is not good for me to be alone for long periods of time.  I need to get out of the house and interact with people.

• ·       It is not good for me to be so “me” focused as I am when I am sick.  I need to focus on someone else.

• ·       When I am sick and/or “me” focused, I am not in the Word as I should be.  This, also, is not good for me. 

I’     I'm not sure what to say in conclusion except to be aware that if you are feeling alone or lonely, it is not good to stay there.   

• ·       Use the alone time to refresh/restore your relationship with God
• ··     Stay in the Word

• ·       Get outside of yourself and focus on someone else - love people, show kindness and do things that light up the world