It's been a very long time since I've written a blog. 13 years long. It may be another 13 before I write another. :-)
Around Christmas, I had an interesting several weeks. I found myself in a "mood" that I have never experienced for more than a few hours, at most. I was in a "funk". Was it the melancholy side of my personality taking over my life? Was it depression? Even if I had thoughts of depression, I always seemed to be able to stop thinking those thoughts and focus on something else. Even during my amputation and recovery, I was never depressed. I always knew that God had a plan. So, what was going on?
I felt alone. Was it because Sadie passed and I was coming home to an empty house? Was I watching too many sappy Hallmark Christmas movies? Was I mad at God for never bringing a husband into my life?
I felt dissatisfied with my weight, the way I looked, my physical condition. I've recently been told I'm diabetic. I love sweets and carbs! I need to figure out a new way to eat and find a way to exercise .
I'm dissatisfied with my prosthetic. We have a tolerate/hate relationship. It doesn't seem to fit right (probably due to weight gain), I can't bear weight on it because it hurts, I can get more done from a wheelchair, etc. I wish that I could wear it and do steps so that I could get into people's homes. I haven't even attempted to wear it for several months. Anybody need a leg to make a lamp? Or a plant stand? :-)
I'm dissatisfied with the state of the world and all the hate, all the intolerance and lack of respect of people. The truth is illusive. Who do you believe? And Covid has disrupted our lives for entirely too long. I'm tired of it all. My only recourse if to love God and love people equally.
It's been several weeks since I started this. The "funk" has left. I suspected a medication so I stopped taking it. Then I restarted it and did not experience any sort of depression, so I guess that wasn't the culprit. I'm still not sure what was going on but what came out of that was an empathy for those who experience real depression. Though the memory of that experience is fading, I hope that the empathy stays.
